I am my own project experiment and my own essay sometimes to a default. See while I’m so immersed in self exploration and self help the message I am sending my self is…
“You aren’t good enough, yet. You need more work girl..”
And that’s not a self loving approach now is it .. kinda depressive right ?! Well while that may just be my inner critic talking smack , it can be very motivating as well. Gotta find a balance. There has to be moments after self discovery where you just accept and appreciate the messed up, complicated , amazing, impressive , unique little weirdo you are and say
“Hey I love that fucked up wonderful mess that is me”, and have your cake and eat it too.
Sure I knew the teeth were back there and I always had to Ninja my way to floss back there .. Did I even count all my teeth before ? No, never so finding out I have 34 pearly whites (2 oddly shapped extra molars one on each side) instead of the normal 32 well awareness can really fuck with a persons head.
“OMG what’s wrong with me ! I am a honest to god weirdo like a real freakshow now !”
Okay but if I just slow my role a bit id realize that I’m the same person, before I counted the teeth, as I am now that I counted
I was born with the hole in my head , on the upper part of my ear attached to my upper jaw .. Been there my whole life. So finding out that it’s also a very rare defect, not sure why that spiraled me out of control, thinking YEP, something is totally wrong with me. YOU mean less then 1% of the world population has that !!
Oh wait .. yep I’m actually still the same person. I was before I knew the prevalence, panic attack reduced.
Did I mention I also have an outty belly button? Not that rare but not very common
Did I also mention I have naturally hyper-extended elbow joints 9th grade drama class .. he says to me..
“Whoa ! Why are your arms so f’d up? Did you break your arms? My cousin broke his arm and never got it set back and it kinda looks like yours but yours is more f’d up .. does it hurt?”
“What !? What are you talking about ? What’s wrong with my arms ?? Oh my GOD What’s wrong with my arms!!!!”
Oh wait .. they have been this way my whole life .. it’s fine .. I think …?!? ..
While that may sound like something to brag about … Most people don’t care to talk about the things I like to talk about and find my interest overtly nerdy and boring. Its not the greatest factor when developing social relationships. However for my career its a huge factor in my success combining my high intuition with my IQ to help people solve their problems!
Wanna hear something really crazy… I can talk to dead people and see into the future now that’s a freak show 😉
Basically self discovery is powerful. I learned so much about what makes me unique gained so much confidence in my approach to situations, and such a great confidence in my own choices especially when they differ greatly from the choices of others. But, if you are constantly trying to “fix yourself ” just think to yourself – You have most likely been this way your whole life , you’re just finally aware of it.